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reddit网友:有女儿的父亲们,谈一谈女儿是怎么影响你,并改变你对女性思维的认知的
2018-11-26 骑着毛驴到处走 1162 5 3  



Dads of daughters: how has having a daughter impacted you, changed your perspective of the female mind。

有女儿的父亲们,谈一谈女儿是怎么影响你,并改变你对女性思维的认知的。

I have my own feelings on how having a daughter has impacted me (and it’s been an amazing experience) but I’m interested in hearing it in other words and from other perspectives.
For me, having a daughter has been one of the most impactful influences of my life. My grandma has always said “every man needs a daughter” and I totally feel what she meant but don’t have the words for it.

我自己本身有一个女儿,对此有很深的感触,但我更喜欢换个角度,听听别人的故事和看法。
对我来说,有个女儿是我一生中影响最大的事情之一。我奶奶总是说“每个男人都需要一个女儿”,我完全理解她的意思,但却不知道该怎么表达。

GeorgeLucasSucks
My daughter is the greatest thing to ever happen to me. She has literally saved my life 

我女儿是我一生中最伟大的事,她彻底拯救了我的生活

This is obviously my experience, and may not be relatable or helpful, but here it is.

也许我说的不是那么有趣,也可能没有任何帮助,但这是我的亲身感受

I would say i was pretty dead inside in general, I'm not well connected with my emotions (personal trauma) and I'm not nor have i ever been good at emotional connection and feeling things.

我曾经心如死灰,对感情抱着无所谓的态度(个人心理创伤),对身边的事情不闻不问,也不擅长情感交流。

Then i had my daughter, this girl is just pure raw emotion. She feels everything, she loves so deeply, she laughs so energetically, and she fears and experiences hurt in an extremely raw and open way.
I want to know my daughter, and to be a father to her, so, I've had to learn to connect with her at her level. This has made me much more attuned to feelings and emotions.

直到我有了我的宝贝女儿,她有着这世间最纯洁真挚的情感,她感知并热爱着这个世界,她的笑声是那么迷人充满活力,她的喜怒哀乐总是那么自然童真。
我想了解我的女儿,也想成为一个好父亲。所有和她在一起的时候我也会变得纯纯傻傻的,这让我更加适应和体会到各种微妙的情绪和感觉。

That's the simple objective way of describing it. But, at a much deeper and more life changing way, she has changed me. There really is no language for the change I've undergone. The spiritual / emotional change, it's a rearranging of my very core self. It's like seeing the ocean for the first time, or seeing the Grand Canyon for the first time. My entire perspective on life, love and existence is fundamentally altered.

原谅的我的描述太苍白无力,但请相信,我女儿以一种更深刻,更潜移默化的方式改变了我和我的生活。我真的不知道该怎么形容我的经历和感受,她让我最核心的自我发生改变,就像第一次看见大海,第一次看见大峡谷一样,让我对生活,爱情,以及自身存在意义的看法发生了彻底地转变。

Because of her, I notice so much more going on around me with friends and family. Even at work I've noticed that i pay more attention to how women are treated (i work in an extremely male dominated industry) and i find myself purposely asking female coworkers for input during meetings and staying silent in order to maximize their time.

因为她,我开始关心身边的朋友和家人。甚至在工作中,我更加关心女性的环境和待遇(我在一个男性占主导地位的行业工作),我发现自己在开会的时候也会有意鼓励女性同事发表意见,并减少不必要的废话,以免浪费她们太多的时间。

My daughter is literally the light of my life, she makes this whole fucked up world beautiful and alive.

总之,我的女儿是我生命中的一盏明灯,是她让这个一团糟的世界变得美丽而充满活力。

Kalleb177(回楼上)
Depending on how old your daughter is, I really want you to tell her this now or later. I think it will mean the world to her.
Your love and respect for her is moulding her too.

你女儿几岁了,我真的希望你现在或以后告诉她这件事。我想这对她来说意义重大。
你对她的爱和尊重也在塑造着她。

BillServo86
It made me realize how toxic I was in some of my past relationships. Some of my past behavior was disgusting and reprehensible but I didn't see that until I reflected on it after she was born. After I had my daughter I thought alot about what it's going to be like for her growing up and the things I'm going to have to teach her so she can protect herself from not only the overtly aggressive man but the passivity aggressive man. I was the latter and regret those actions and behaviors. I wish I could communicate this to those woman I've hurt and give a honest apology 。

我女儿让我意识到我在感情问题处理上是多么渣。我过去的一些行为令人厌恶,应该受到谴责,可惜直到我女儿出生后我才意识到这一点。在我有了女儿之后,我想了很多关于她成长的事情,以及我要教给她的东西,这样她就可以保护自己不受男人冷热暴力的伤害。很不幸,我之前就喜欢使用冷暴力,我很后悔那些行为。我希望能和那些我伤害过的女人说说这些感悟,并真诚地道歉。

ShadeBabez(回楼上)
This is the response I was looking for, the deep stuff.

这才是我要的答案,发自肺腑,感动人心。

trees_for_dayss(回楼上)
You’re a great dad & a great human being. So thank you. My father treats all women including my mother for at least 17 years of my life (22/F) HORRIBLE. I learned to take myself out of unhealthy & abusive relationships only because I seen my own father emotionally abuse my mom. Cheating, making her feel like she had to change to be who he wanted , telling her that she was never enough and that nobody would ever want her besides him because she has had four children. 

你是一个伟大的父亲(也是一个伟大的人)。所以谢谢你。我的父亲对待所有女人,包括我的母亲,至少在我生命的前17年里都是可怕的。在看到父亲在情感上虐待我的母亲时,我鼓起勇气学会了摆脱这种不健康的虐待关系。我父亲总是利用言语上的欺骗和诱导,让我母亲觉得她必须改变自己的立场和想法,才能成为他想要的人。
我父亲总是告诉我母亲,说她做的永远不够,除了他,没有人会想要她,因为她已经有四个孩子。

Now, my father and mother are separated, my mom has grown so much & finally become happy. My father on the other hand has dated multiple women, some younger than myself, treated every single one like complete trash. Had three more children after separating from my mom. None of them he includes in his life and doesn’t even visit them on a regular basis. 

现在,我的父亲和母亲分开了,我的母亲也经历了许多,最后变得快乐起来。另一方面,我父亲和很多女人约会过,有些比我还年轻,他把每一个女人都当作垃圾。和妈妈分开后又生了三个孩子。对于这三个孩子,他从来都没关心过,甚至连定期的看望也没有。

I no longer speak to my father, sometimes he comes in to my work and gets free food & coffee or sends me a message saying “this is my new number”. That is the extent of our relationship. If he wonders why I hope he figures out it’s because he was never there for me, taught me nothing, treated my mom like complete trash, treated all of my siblings like trash, and treats me like an old acquaintance that he never talks to but likes to stay updated on their life. 

我不再和我的父亲说话,有时他来我的工作间,蹭一点免费的食物和咖啡,又或是给我发信息说“这是我的新号码”。但仅此而已,这就是我们关系的终点。我希望他明白,他从来没有在我身边,也没有教过我什么,对待我的妈妈和我所有的兄弟姐妹就像对待垃圾,对待我像从不说话的老熟人,跟任何人扯不上关系,却又不停地在他人的生活狂刷存在感。

Please men, please do not make your children stay up to comfort your wife while you’re out cheating on her. Relationship doesn’t work, fine. But you better show your daughter how a woman deserves to be treated and respected.

求求你了,男人,当你不忠的时候,不要让你的孩子熬夜来安慰你的妻子。
那些已经有女儿的父亲们,请用实际行动告诉她们,一个女人应该得到怎样的对待和尊重

tonytheleper
(回楼上)
This. 100% this. My daughter is only 1.5 and already it has been jarring when I think about guys like myself acting the way I did towards her.
It has also turned me into a guy who watches a commercial like the Rogers one with the daughter stuck on the side of the road and the father talking to her and almost tearing up.
My father always told me wait till you have kids and suddenly you lose control of soft emotions for things like that and I never understood it until it hits home. Damn him for being right. ... again.

100%正确。
我的女儿才1.5岁,当我想到像我这样的男人对她做出那样的行为时,我已经很不舒服了。
我现在也成了一个看着亲情广告都会潸然泪下的人。
我父亲以前总是告诉我,等你有了孩子,你也会变得多愁善感起来,而我却一直不明白,直有一天我也有了一个家
该死,那个男人又一次说对了!
 
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